Jaded

Its a funny thing isn't it: how a song can capture exactly what your feeling in the right proportions? Except this time I don't think its Steven Tyler's fault...its mine. I've lived far too well, far too quickly.

Sometimes I wish that I could enjoy life as I used to when I was a child; enjoyment came to me so easily. There was row of tall bushes in my backyard that I built a tunnel through. Swinging from branch to branch I would find my favorite spot and sit for hours to stare at the sunset. I would think of nothing: snippets of Disney songs would pour through my head. I would be happy.

Sentiment especially has wearied me beyond measure. As a youth I was volatile and always in love. Now I have turned to be Byronic, at best. I have tried to love since last December and all attempts have withered as the autumn leaves. I have brooded, I have sucked my rivers dry of feeling until what I contain is mud. Thick, velvety, marsh-mud; the type that looks pretty at first and stinks once you draw too near.

My nerves have quaked within me for want of longing. My stomach churns... my lungs collapse...my liver screams to be set on fire again. I wish to climb a mountain and roll off from it singing. Anything to be broken free from the gelatin stasis that I've placed myself in.

And all at once I want to fall back to sleep. It is morning now, but I do not wish it to be. I'm tired of the sun, and of the trees. I'm tired of the dew, and of the fresh morning air, and of waking. Wake the world if you must, oh Sun!--but please, do not wake me. These months I've been too tired, and much too dry.

I'll shut my eyes. I'm far too sleepy.

Giving

Its not how much you give that matters, its how much it has cost you.-Jesus

Prayer Request

For those of you that know me well, you'd know that I don't personally ask for prayer usually. Its not that I mind it, I'm just usually too proud to ask for prayer for things. But I'm asking for it now...or confessing now... I'm not sure which. I was never too great at doing these sorts of things.

Basically, I just want to say that I'm truly sorry if over the past month/month-and-a-half I've hurt you in any way. I'll be the first to admit, I've been a first-rate asshole to alot of people, including the Lord, and for that I apologize. There hasn't been any real reason for it, its just been my pride and when I don't spend much time with Him it becomes really apparent, real quickly.

So please, if I can ask it, please pray for me. Not that I can find another home to move to, not that I'll have a good day, but that the Lord will break me and change me radically. I know I need it... my attitude has really sucked, and I know that I cannot do it by myself...I'm too weak when it comes to these sorts of things.

Well, I guess that's it. Thanks for putting up with me, guys. I appreciate it greatly.

Editors

For certain reasons (I.E the Lord telling me) this rant/post has been "edited"...hehe

However, you can still rejoice with me! Canada's won its first three medals in the Olympic games!

Time For Some Campaigning

Spoof on Bob Dylan's "The Times They are A'changing"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.................(again)

A year... that's a long time when you really think about it. There's so much that you can do in that single amount of time. You could read a book, (or several, if your clever) trudge all fifty states, absorb poetic thought, share a dinner followed by stargazing for two... most of this last year though has been spent in missing you.

Its a funny thing, you know, missing someone like you. You get this feeling all in your gut like your hungry and tired and burst out into the biggest grin whenever you recall some simple, childish memory. I guess that's why I can't explain all the smiles I've had this year. I don't think anyone would understand if I told them its just because I'm missing you.

But hey, that's part of life--and if there's one thing that I'll remember about you is how you taught me to smile on in spite of anything. I still mess up at it from time to time, but someday I'll be as good at it as you.

I hope your smiling today. If I was king then I'd make today a national holiday. I'm so happy for all that you've done this past year and all that you'll do for the Lord this year coming. He's real proud of you darling, you know? I know he is! Your all that he's talked about for days and days.

Well, I hope this hasn't been too mushy, but I hope you party like a rockstar today. Hell, you deserve it, its our 19th BIRTHDAY!!!!

Happy birthday Kiesha, I love you! So smile o.k?