Words to Love on Her Apparent Nature
And enchantment in your blisses
Stupors understanding,
While chills from wildernesses
Doles out a second-handing—
Narcotic to indolent minds,
Who care for this crash landing.
This is love!—or so they speak
Of treachery and flame.
Wrapped in gauze, their souls will seek
To do it once again;
Apothegm to all mankind
Of contradiction, plain.
There's something wrong with it. I don't know what though... perhaps its the last two lines, they still irk me. But at least I'm trying to get back into practise, no?
Labels: writing and poetry
posted by thisisme @ 9:48 AM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
it doesn't end. Yes those last two lines really don't help anything, i was thinking of ending it with the line -To do it once again; perhaps a bit better but still irksome. the first stanza's metre and sound works well. if you can work out that last one, maybe even adding a third stanza to it, it'll be much better. thanks for this;)
Dre, that was lovely.. any girl would be blessed tp have you in love with her
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