Home, Home on the Range

Well its settled, it a few hours I will be driving up to North Texas for a thirty-three day road trip. It’s a sort of tradition in my home. Thirty-three days of listening to badly sung Christmas carols and screaming children, thirty-three days of eating Chick-fil-a (if you ever ate there you’d know it’s the food of hell) and being surrounded by the STD’s of the Whore!

Yes! For thirty-three days I will be doing balloons in a mall… and oh how fun it shall be!

This will be the third year that I’m going for a month before Christmas to fundraise. Yes, I know your now thinking “But your not supposed to be raising funds for Christmas, your supposed to be winning the lost, getting souls. Blah blah blah.” Yes, well doing the balloons last year got my little MM home to whoop the ass of nearly every other home in the world for Activated distribution. Choke on that for awhile won’t ya? Proves you don’t have to be part of the Whore in order to pimp the whore, hahaha.
This will be the third year in a row that I’ve been doing balloons in this mall. The place is now like a second home to me. I know nearly everyone that works in the stores and things and its not bad either… gets me good discounts if I ever need to get something because, as we all know, everyone loves a balloon guy. The bad thing though is I got balloon groupies (if there could be such a thing). Their a bunch of girls between the ages of 14-16… they follow me wherever I go…their ugly… I swear they are the minions of Freddy Kruger himself… I’ll never sleep again.
But yes, that is why I will probably not be posting on here for the next month as much as I have been. When I get back on the 24th I’ll write a nice long post telling everything that happened. There’s usually a few notable instances of oddity on these sorts of adventures so yeah, it’ll be a fun read. Just pray that I don’t come back too mentally damaged. Last year all I had running through my head for days afterwards was the song “Santa’s coming to Town” and something where the girl sounded like she was saying “Calling all sheep, BAaAaAaaaaa”*audibly shudders*

Oh yeah, on the first time we did this road trip thing me, my dad, and a friend of ours made a spin-off of Godfrey’s song “Push Back those Forces” If you’ve ever done balloons in a really busy mall at Christmas you’d understand what its talking about. Just imagine the normal music but with these words…

The lines in the mall are getting longer
Everyday more come at me
Everyday more come at me
I see children, feel pressure around me
But I don’t need to fear
The yo-yos are here
I don’t need to fear

We make Elmo’s and yo-yo’s and teddy bears
But the people keep coming
Oh god I need this to stop.

It’s the beginning of a new day
The lines just get longer
The lines just get longer
We must make yo-yo’s and sell them
We must make balloons
We must make balloons
We must make balloons

No matter what comes what comes your way
Make balloons do it today
Nothing can break them, break them all
We make the greatest of them all.
Twist those dogs one at a time
Push that kid, back into line

Show no mercy to their fears
Some of them will pop in their ears
Twist those balloons into swords
If they break be sure to come back for more

The pressure is building within your mind
The balloons keep breaking one at a time
Placing your mind into slavery
Making you think that the kids won’t cry

You have to worry about today
Not tomorrow, don’t worry bout tomorrow
Twist those balloons one at a time
PUSH THAT KIND BACK INTO LINE!!!

Push back those lines
Make more balloons
Hurry and make more balloons.