The Wicket Weaver

A New One

2010-04-28T12:26:00.003-04:00

Still don't have a working title for it yet... but here it is nonetheless

You were my ashen edifice
Of tepid will, coerced at last,
In smoldering, my evidence,
Unto the altar named “Alas”.

And leaking there between the stones
Our virtues stopped and stood to meet
The weeping king cast from his thrones,
In purple tribute of our feat:

We breathed too fast, we laughed too long,
We lived two lives of dynamite,
That once exploded into song
And blew the sky clean out of sight.

But once exploded, gravity
Cannot restore two parts to one,
Cannot restore the cavity
Of darkened soul, devoid of sun.

We cannot fight with math, my dear,
I do not know why life is mean;
We cannot hunt the stars, I fear
That would exceed our standard scene.

Perhaps it’d be more natural
To leave it as it seems?

12:53

2010-04-21T12:53:00.002-04:00

People love and request love on this earth primarily because of a desire to be loved and needed. It is not joy of another we seek, but rather self gratification. This is not love, but selfishness. Therefore, we must eliminate the desire for reciprocation. It is once the need for self ends that the heart truly begins the path to Love.

Ah Well...

2010-03-06T10:05:00.002-05:00

And so it looks like I won't be going to the XD Core... lack of time, cash and opportunity has dictated it to be so.

Cest la vie... at least I'll be able to finally kick my butt into writing something... its just a month-long camp anyway.

Argh

2010-02-09T07:12:00.001-05:00

So I just found out I got a little over a month to finish 2 and a half more levels of XD! Looks like somebody won't be sleeping much for a little while.

Sigh

Yeah... another one

2010-02-06T07:02:00.002-05:00

So I've been a bit dry on the writing side of me. For awhile, really. And although I'd like to say that its because I haven't had any inspiration, or time, or whatnot, honesty reigns. I've just been flat out lazy. But here's a little something I scribbled down the other day... it seems worth a looksie, even though its not as delicious and visceral as usual. Its a damn moralist, and I still don't even know what to call it.

But yes, I'm rambling now... to the poem:

So you feel your life has drained a bit
And that your heart has drowned?
Your battered mind can't ponder it
Your bitter foe's been crowned;

Your each investment--seen, or not--
Has more than fallen through,
Its magnified its rank as rot,
Your lost at what to do?

Step up, my lad!--it's what were are
If we be named as men,
If we could capture every star
We wouldn't cherish them.

If ships are sunk, then what may be?
We swim and stay alive!
The greatest sorrow one may see
Is that they never strived.

And if you strove but came to loss
Grow tall, and strive again.
The one thing that could beat that cost
Is failure to be men.

And the picture

2010-02-01T13:10:00.002-05:00

So here is Reginald, the Falcon I caught...

Yes I named him
Yes, ignore the fact that I look 16

Fecking sweet!

2010-01-30T10:07:00.000-05:00

I caught a wild falcon with my bare hands today! Pictures will be up soon :D

Ten Things I'm Most Thankful For

2010-01-26T12:28:00.002-05:00

At least currently...

1. A great team to work with
2. A job that I love doing
3. The best non-gf a guy can ask for
4. Home-made Creole food
5. The Offensive
6. German Beer
7. That my muse and I are on speaking terms again
8. That I'm in the best shape now that I've ever been
9. Jabinka, my sexy laptop bitch
10. Frasier

Kids?

2010-01-23T09:12:00.002-05:00

Here's SOMETHING to brighten your day. I always knew there was something sinister about the little tykes, but I could never be certain until now.

Kids after all are not people. They are just really schedule slots with mouths.

Ca-Ca-Ca-Caaaaaafine!

2010-01-11T09:29:00.002-05:00

How many of you sound a little too much like this?

Gee, no wonder espresso isn't supposed to be drunk in full coffee mugs. Oh well, I'm off to destroy my kitchen with turbo-charged energy!

Contemplate

2010-01-08T06:57:00.001-05:00

"Scissor-kiss the universe"

One of the best poetic images I've heard in a long, long time.

And yes... that is excessively geeky.

Christmas Thoughts

2009-12-02T07:21:00.001-05:00

What is it about the Holidays that makes us reflect, or think of others, or ponder the way our lives are going, or write blog posts about Christmas? If you stick ten people in a room you'll get ten different answers on what Christmas is about, ranging from, "Giving love to others" to, "Its all about the tinsel, and the tree."

Personally, I always meet December with very mixed feelings. Especially now with this being the first Christmas that I'll be away from my family. Tradition runs deep in my roots, and for the first time in my life I find myself disliking the season for different reasons than I normally do. Call me scrooge if you will, but there was always been something about the season that I did not like. And the most comical thing about it was I could never pin the reason for it down. I just felt unhappy.

But then I was talking to a friend and what they said got me to wonder. And it wasn't about if Christmas was, or wasn't, bought at a store. Does Christmas have to be "perfect" in order for one to be happy? And what is a "perfect" Christmas, anyway? Is it about the time that you spend with your family, re-enacting the armistice between the French and Germans during WWI in order to share stories before the tree? Is it about the presents you get, the food you eat, and the general feeling of goodwill when there's snow on the ground and your reading a book beside the fireplace? Is it about the manager scene, and the carols one sings, to remind them once a year about the birth of a child King of Kings?

If all these things are what Christmas is about to you, well then that is good, and I congratulate you. I've always thought that that's what they were about too, and yet somehow I wasn't happy. Its because I strove so much to make a perfect Christmas every year, with perfect gifts for everyone, that I wouldn't accept it if something didn't work out the way that I wanted it. So this year I propose something different. This year I propose that we be accepting.

Remember that person that really annoys you and, every time you interact with him, you pray to God that he will change? Accept him... unconditionally. You may be surprised what it will do. That one thing that you wish you could change about your circumstances, or your personality? Accept it... just the way it is. If things in life are to change, they first must start with you. In no way am I writing this to promote apathy. Rather, that this Christmas, no matter what we are doing, or who we are, we learn to be content, and happy.

Make fried rice for Christmas dinner--with loads of garlic and MSG! Have a snowball fight, or a sledding contest naked in the snow! Remember that one thing you wish you had always done, or that one person you always see and wish you could kiss? Do what you wanted to do! Kiss the one you wanted to kiss! How can this be the season of giving to others if we ourselves are too caught up in making Christmas "right" it stops us from being happy? Stop trying so hard to make the season right and accept yourself for who you are, your circumstances for what they are, and you'll be surprised at how much that will change things.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Gotta love disney

2009-11-30T12:21:00.000-05:00

Its just too perfect!

The best one to date

2009-11-11T02:46:00.000-05:00

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia – fear of long words.

Thanks Mikey.

Cyanide and Happiness

2009-11-08T04:14:00.002-05:00

I like this one "clicky here"... it always makes me laugh. And, sometimes, a good laugh is all that you need.

Cleanup Time

2009-10-30T18:25:00.002-04:00

The cobwebs off my blog, that is. I would whistle as I do so, like Snow White tells me to do, but it really doesn't make the work go by any faster.

Its amazing how quickly the days have gone by since I've first come here though. I will admit, it has taken a little while to get used to everything. The Swiss do everything backwards from how they do back home in Canuckistan (yes... Canuckistan...Google it!) but now that its nearly been a month I've become content with how everything has been. It is strange though, going from the big suburbs to a little farming hamlet that I now live in. I still expect the village to turn out at our front door one of these days with torch and pitchfork chanting "Bring out the city boy!"... And no, I'm not kidding, it seriously is like the children of the corn!

Like I was walking around in the residential part of town the other day and all the houses look like something out of Pinocchio, with the lawns perfectly mowed and tended, and hand-carved wooden clocks, and little palm-sized statues of Gnomes everywhere.

I swear... children of the corn.

Anyhow, I'm loving every second of it... yes, despite the strangeness of it all. Don't have any pictures yet but I'm hoping to get some up soon. If I can manage to scrounge up a camera sometime. But lets not get our hopes up too high, yes?

Adieu

Thanksgiving

2009-10-11T10:16:00.002-04:00

...They don't have it here in Switzerland... I'm missing the turkey n' stuffing.

But mostly the stuffing...

Damn you Europe! Damn you!

Second Round...

2009-09-30T16:51:00.002-04:00

Well its about time that I say it. I'm moving off to Europe again... tomorrow actually. For all of those of you that knew, well good for you. For those of you that didn't: ta-da!

Its a really weird feeling because when I was flying back from the last time I was there I swore up and down that I would never go back to Europe and that my time in Canada was only temporary (two years is a pretty big temporary period, no?) And here I am now about to step across the Atlantic again and, looking back on my time here in Canada, a part of me really doesn't want to leave... Those few places and people that I grow to love I get attached to easily. It's hard to move when your comfortably situated.

But as much as I love my comfort, it only lasts so long before I find that it stifles me. The world keeps spinning, I've still got breath in my lungs, and what drifts apart assuredly returns. I won't be naive and say that this is another permanent "goodbye." Rather, it means that I'll see you again... someday.

Look out Switzerland!--here I come!

A Prayer

2009-09-22T20:35:00.008-04:00

Lord, I pray that you grant me three virtues: to have my fill and never lack; to have the courage needed to be strong; and to have knowledge that I may better know those around me.

Yet, Lord, in your providence, keep me from three evils: having too much that I know not how hunger feels; being so strong that I forget what its like to be afraid; and knowing so much that I cease to love my fellow man.

Amen

Creepy

2009-09-11T21:43:00.000-04:00

Well... don't you??

Random Quote

2009-09-06T20:37:00.002-04:00

I like this one... despite not being utterly profound or catchy-as most maxims inevitably are-it hold true, nonetheless.

"Youth is not a time of life - it is a state of mind. It is not a matter of red cheeks, red lips and supple knees. It is a temper of the will; a quality of the imagination; a vigor of the emotions; it is a freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a tempermental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over a life of ease. This often exists in a man of fifty, more than in a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years; people grow old by deserting their ideals." - Samuel Ullman

Beware the Jabberwock, my son

2009-09-01T13:27:00.005-04:00

...With teeth that bite and claws that grasp
Beware the Jub-jub tree and shun
The frumilious Bandersnatch.

And what else is there to say about that? I still cannot believe how old you are and how pretty! (see below pic) It seems like I've blinked and all of a sudden you've grown up on me. Writer... artist... musician... intellectual... body-builder... I have yet to meet another girl half as talented as you, or as intelligent. And yet, despite that, you still somehow manage to be cool and put up with my foolishness when I'm around you.

Who can ask for a better sister? I certainly can't.
Happy Birthday Teeny!! Hope this year turns out to be great for you!

(And yes... its very bizarre that your bloody 16!!)

Randominium

2009-08-06T15:24:00.004-04:00

A friend of mine tried to suggest to me the other day that I have a mild form of Autism called Asperger's syndrome. And, as much as I'd like to put my randomness down to some medical term, I'd have to disagree.

I'm just way, way too cool to do that...snicker.

Anyhow, its on days like today that I wish that I were buff like Putin. I guess some wishes will just never come true...sigh...

And you know what I've come to find I dislike? People who use Latin titles, or words, in their works just to make them sound cool. Personally, I've found it a little too dry; and much, much too heavy-handed to be considered aesthetic. Which is what I think I meant to say at the beginning of this post in the first place.... I think?

Where Has it all Gone?

2009-07-25T20:21:00.000-04:00

Lo Thought Police!—a Pickpocket Lurks

I lost my mind the other day
Just like a set of keys.
I turned each rock that came my way
And scoured all the trees.

But still, my brain eluded those
Efforts I put forth,
I felt I were a lovers rose
Of fluctuating worth.

Then I recalled: I saw your face
Pasted upon my screen,
Then was the time—the final place—
That it had last been seen.

Were you the one that stole my thoughts
Replaced them with mache?
You’ve been in there at night a lot,
Invade my dreams at day,

And spun them round your potters wheel
Like drunken, virgin, clay.

Recollection

2009-07-17T20:14:00.004-04:00

I had the most horrible dream last night:

I dreamt that we met up again after another two or three years. You were wearing a deep blue sarong with splatters of white on it and an aqua bikini top. You were so beautiful, your tangled brown locks wild in the salty, Brazilian, breeze.

It took me awhile, and I wondered why we were so sad; but then I realized that it was because I didn't even know you anymore. The little smile that you would make just for me no longer flashed itself across your full, goddess lips. Your eyes--before so bright--now looked so hollow, and weary.

And I remembered all the good times that we had together, and wondered if you are happy, whatever your doing. Do you still come on, from time to time, and wonder what I'm doing? I'm guilty of that, at least. But I'm not afraid to say it now... you've been the best friend that I've ever had, and any guy would be lucky to know you as I have...

I just miss you, darling, dreadfully.
And I hope we never turn out to be that way...

Most of the Time

2009-07-17T00:42:00.002-04:00

Mood: Despondent, with a tinsy smack of self-absorbed
Eating: nothing
Drinking: Labat extra dry
Listening to: Ryan Adams Easy Tiger album

There's a song on that album that I particularly like "I Taught Myself How To Grow Old"... good song... some of the lines in there are some of my favorite of his, actually.
Its funny how a song can sometimes capture the exact mood that your in during the time that you listen to it. You don't even mean to be listening to it but it randomly pops up on your MP3 and after its done you cannot help but think that it just finished chewing out your guts and handing them to you in a nice little take-out bowl, complete with soy sauce and fried rice. You know that its terrible for you but you just can't help from doing it, from time to time.
Sometimes I wonder if I've grown up too fast. Perhaps all the problems I've had with life over the past year have really been just inside my head and someday I'll wake up to suddenly realize that life is indeed the beautiful ray of fucking sunshine its made out to be. Not that I've never had days like that--I've had my fair share to be certain.

Can you blame me if I'm not the wit-filled idealist I used to be?
I'm just tired... so very tired mentally.
Which is the funny part, cause today has been one of my better days in awhile.

Would you believe me though if I told you that half the stuff I swear up and down I genuinely feel and believe I feel and believe only for a moment? Must there really be a time limit placed upon emotion, or thought, in order for it to be valid; if so, what might it be? I feel as if I am a Pawnee Shaman, sucking my sustenance from cactus and weeping, spitting my blood into the ancient Nevada sands. Hallucinating and twirling around with the biting wind to caress my naked loins. Hair splattered thick with mud and the happy grin of devils upon my face. Oh bliss! Bastard bones of the ancients! I desire the most right now to roll off a mountainside and brake all my innards like pottery jars. Then I'll sit down somewhere and wonder if I could still be happy.
Experience of others be damned--one can only learn from their own! If not they will only be living and breathing of air that is simply not theirs to begin with. What an awful waste of space those sort of people must be. Most are too concerned with doing things right that they cease from mistakes. They become perfect, and useless, and unhappy.

And I think I've talked myself out of any point that I wished to make.

Nobody Bothers Me

2009-07-07T21:02:00.004-04:00

Look at the little jewel I dug up. Its a comic redo on a commercial that my old Head Master made waaaaay back in the day when he first came to the states. Snicker...

TYJ

2009-07-02T09:46:00.002-04:00

You know how it is when your praying for something, and praying for something, and it finally comes through? You just feel so damn happy and your faith gets strengthened in such an awesome way.

Today is just one of those days.

My future team finally found its house!!!

Oh Happy Day

2009-06-26T09:44:00.001-04:00

Hallelujah!! Allah Ahkbar and all other general happy things!

Michael Jackson is DEAD!

Impromptu

2009-06-22T17:26:00.008-04:00

And its times like these I wish I was there.
To protect you from clothes
Lying in the corner
that look like monsters at night.

To whisper in your ear
that I'm not going anywhere
and everything's going to be o.k.

I love you Doll... don't be sad. I'll be there soon.

Thought of the Week

2009-06-08T13:37:00.003-04:00

If life could be defined, I would describe it partly as a colon(:) and a period(.). Its full of shit, and sometimes you bleed. But just as those are only parts of the body, and not the whole of the matter, those things are just a part of life, and not all of it.

Whistle

2009-06-05T19:37:00.002-04:00

You know what? Jiminey Cricket is a liar and a thief!! He told me that I should let my conscience be my guide and all that's ended up with me doing is dukeing it out with a pair of fat Caribbean whores over rights to the use of their street. Well I won...wild night actually... but you should come on down sometime on Tuesday and Friday nights, I do a mean hour and a half of busking! (God that's like, so a must-see these days!!) Heheheh...

Ummm yes... there was something I was going to say... oh right! Updates!! See I knew that there was something I forgot but damn I'm just like sooo good at all this remembering jazz and things.:D

So whats been up since I last left you? Well my birthday came, and passed, and 20's a big number YEY! Got to share my birthday with the wonderful occasion of a child being excavated from my friends womb... pretty rockin actually. Cutest little thing that you'll ever see this side of the Mississippi. Started working on the Duke of Whores a bit more and finished writing another short story... don't have a title for it yet, but its some random Fairy Tale thing... personally, I blame Wilde, but that's another matter all on its own.

I want to meet Edward Cullen so I can murder him... vegetarian vampire... PAH! More like gay. All of you ladies that have fallen for him: YOU HAVE BEEN DECIEVED.

But yes... so have Obama fans for that matter too.

Adieu

Bright New Shores

2009-05-20T23:34:00.004-04:00

My birthday will be coming up in a few weeks and, to be honest, I'm heading towards it with mixed feelings. Not that it is a bad thing being a year older and all, rather its that this last year has been a strange one for me, filled with things I would never have expected. Its a custom of mine around this time of year to look back at all the things I've done, the things that the Lord's changed me in, and see whats different in me from the year before and what is not. Now that I'm nearing the end of 19 though, I wonder though if I've made any progress in the least. In some ways I'm quite the same as I was a year ago, in others I think I've lost ground instead of gained.

But this year I'm through with looking back on the things that I've done, or haven't done. I've tried the whole retro-introspection thing long enough to know that it sucks ass really. This year I will be different and look forward in anticipation of 20 and all that it will mean for me. Sure there are things that everyone wants like a beach-house, loads of cash, or a Lamborghini. But that's not what I'm really talking about. What I'm talking about is what I want to do with life, and what I want life to mean for me.

Its a strange thing: how trying to take too much on oneself and do it "right" can make you too cautious to try anything. If my 17 year old self would see the way that I act and think now sometimes, he'd give me a royal ass-whooping. I wouldn't blame him in the least. This next year though I want to try less and do more; to stop guarding what little I have and instead risk it for the venture of getting more from it. I've tried to be satisfied and happy with what I have already and it has sickened me. This next year I want to reach for more than I can grab, dream bigger dreams then I could dream, and make so many mistakes in reaching my goals that it will be astounding. The more mistakes I make in life, the wiser I will be. Only fools hold back for fear of failing.

I'm going to climb a mountain sometime this year: a real one this time with thin air and clouds at the top, and not some little gorge peak. I'm going to learn to jump higher, to run faster, and finally work up the guts to learn how to monkey vault properly. Since being nineteen I've written too many laments about writers, the writing craft, and how my creativity is drying up. This year I'm going to learn to write for myself, go at my own pace, and to stop giving a fuck if people like my works or not. I'll finally begin the groundwork on my thesis on Experimental Linguistic Theory. I'm going to learn to dance properly and get the six-pack that I always wanted to have. I'll learn to speak another language--and not just a few words, but fluently. I'll go to watch a play, instead of just renting the movie. I'll leave Canada (I've been here too long already) and finally travel to places I've dreamed someday of seeing. I'll read fewer books for the purpose of expanding my mind, and instead read them because they make me happy.

I'm going to stop being lethargic in my spiritual life and become the man that God wants me to be. I've held back for far too long for fear of what others might think of me, or how it would effect my life. I've spent too long thinking about how things work, or why they work, to realize that it doesn't matter why they do--they just do. The world keeps spinning, the sun keeps shining, life is an experience to be enjoyed, not endured. I've endured for far too long, now I intend to begin enjoying. I'm going to learn to love and be loved as if I have never been hurt by it. I'll search for beauty in my work instead of perfection. I'll stop taking my life so seriously and instead join those who are laughing. They seem happy about something--so why not me? I'll let go of the past that has held me back for so long and finally write those letters to certain people: asking forgiveness, and forgiving. I'm going to spend less time talking about change and more actually changing.

But more than all this I will not let a single day go by, not even take a single breath, without knowing that I'm alive, that I only have today to live, and that I have nothing at all to lose in any way. Jesus loves me and wants me to be happy. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

Naively optimistic? Perhaps it is. But I'd rather die young in the flames of a life well lived than to float down through life slowly, always wondering what could have been and never attaining a thing. Therefore, to newer shores yet unexplored I turn my thoughts, and from the day I turn 20 onwards I will never look back, and never ever regret a thing.

Like Fire Ants Swarm From Their Mound

2009-05-16T00:10:00.002-04:00

Glean what you will from it. Not even the one whom knows me best can pin down its full meaning.

Like fire ants swarm from their mound
My contradictions flow,
A sheet of red lain on the ground
With hidden hells below;

My brain has bled out all its ways
With small and surging sockets,
Lost is the fuel from younger days
With which we fired rockets.

With hardened steel, and harder limb
I’ve herded wolves at night
From sheep and goats I’ve guarded them,
So fearless in the fight.

I’ve courted girls of wood, and brass,
Been serious with games,
Beheld the face of every lass
With features rearranged;

Uranium then fills my lips,
And tears of Christ are mine,
The timber masts of fishing ships
Do sway and roll in time;

And your still here inside my bed,
Your sleeping form, divine.

Something worth a read

2009-05-08T00:43:00.002-04:00

"The past is gone, my love, leave it behind. All that lies before you now is your bright and wonderful future and, as I can see it in its entirety, it is looking to be pretty good for you. Trust in Me and do not fear what the future holds for you, for I tell you that the future does not hold you. I hold you, safe in My loving hands."--Jesus

I can't stand to fly

2009-04-29T13:35:00.002-04:00

But not because I'm naive, but simply because who wants to do that when you can be Spiderman? I found a new spot to do Parkour with lots of ropes and bars and, when I do it there, I feel like a freakin web-slinger superhero, baby!!

*pant, pant*

O.k now that's not all that I've been up to, by any means. I've also started working more on my writing and I've finally coaxed my use out of her little fox-hole. How? Don't ask... but it did involve a duck, some rubber-bands, and a large quantity of fried zucchini.

Anyway, if you haven't seen Cruel Intentions yet, do! I'm not of a person for Highschool films, but Sarah Michelle Gellar is just so damn hot. The things I would do to her face...hehehe.

Oh and I just got one of those old-style leather jackets in the provisioning. You know, the type that bikers use. I'm quite in love with it in this particular moment. I'm so pleased.

Perfection

2009-04-19T11:56:00.003-04:00

Perfection is not having all that we think we want, or know that we need. Were life filled with only good, we would take it for granted, and those things which we most desire would become problems in our life upon our receiving of them. Perfection is the full scope of life, barring nothing, so that through beauty we can first inebriate our senses, and then through pain discover the fullness of our humanity.

Updates

2009-04-11T19:59:00.002-04:00

Man... it has been a long time since I've been around this place, hasn't it? My apology will be accepted, of that I'm certain. I have several excuses by which to tag my absence, namely: having a life.

No, but seriously, I have been detained these past weeks. Hence my sudden disappearance from blog, chat, and general cyber life. But never fear--Tigger is here! And, what is more, I'm back again... "yeeeeey" *weak applause ensues*

So lets see what I've been up to, yeah?

1. The power bar on Fifi (Yes, that's my laptops name... deal with it) fizzed out and Dre got a new, refurbished one. The new one is giving him troubles but at least its semi-working.
2. Dre also finished reading Crime and Punishment and is positively stumped as to what to read now. (Any idea's anyone?)
3. Jesus has been teaching Dre lots of new things. Its been marvelous, and humbling.
4. I've begun writing the second part of my omnibus. Its called "The Duke of Whores"... (Coming soon to a book reading near you.) I've also begun poetry again after a decently long dry spell.
5. I've discovered that I am thoroughly obsessed with Angelina Jolie.

And tall, blonde, Russian army girls with guns.

...That is all

A Riddle

2009-03-24T07:57:00.003-04:00

Its more for writers, but I suppose a comprehending reader would understand the question as well and grasp its implications.

In a narrative is it/should it be: "The Narrator said it was so"? Or: "It was so and, therefore, the Narrator said it"?

I'm still debating my stance on the subject, really.

Tamborine Man

2009-03-23T00:44:00.002-04:00

It's beautiful. I just want to drain the imagery from this man's mind, swirl it all up in a chilled glass and slurp it.... slowly.

By the hammer of Thor!

2009-03-20T14:18:00.005-04:00

Alright, this is going to be a nasty out-of-it little post, but please bless it Lord in Jesus' name....

O.k so I'm like randomly searching blogs and stuff (great insomnia cure, you should try it Mari) and I've started to find an annoying thread amongst them all. You know how it is, you go onto a friends blog hoping for something funny, interesting, or just plain bizarre. Instead you find a full page covered in layers and layers of baby and toddler pictures. I mean god... is there really all that there is to life?

Now don't get me wrong, I love kids and I think that their great and all. It just gets to me that whenever I get on chat with most people these days, view their blog, or even go to a fellowship the main topic of discussion will be?.... yep! You got it! Childbirth, baby showers, and babies. Its bloody annoying.

Or maybe its just my cynicism about the whole thing.
I need a drink.

It seems like I'm back

2009-03-14T15:55:00.002-04:00

And I certainly do hope so.... But, I'm not sure, you decide.

Self Deceit

I’ve often sought to fool myself
And so, I donned a mask
Off from its dusty, little shelf
And set it to its task.

But, by itself, it could not spring
A well-sufficient lie;
So colored piece-nez did I bring
To wear them on the sly.

But both of these were scant enough
To trick all those around;
I left my garb for duller stuff
Discarded on the ground

And, speaking with a newer voice,
I taught myself to say
So many things against my choice,
And social-conscience sway.

And then, to make all these complete,
A monarchs crown I wore;
And quite astounded at this feat
I glanced at, “me before”

And envied almost instantly;
Because my clumsy crown
Did fit the role so suitably
Of self turned upside-down.

And now what made me laugh, before
Would only make me frown.

Speak Engrish

2009-03-11T09:48:00.002-04:00

So I'm reading this news article about how the Chinese are all pissed about some American mapping ship breaking their law in their waters. Kinda boring, but check out what the article said, it made me smile.

The ship, the USNS Impeccable, "broke international and Chinese laws in the South China Sea without China's permission," Ma said.

Broke Chinese law without Chinese permission....as opposed to what? Breaking it WITH their permission?

Teehee

Loneliness

2009-03-06T14:49:00.002-05:00

Alrighty you, (yes YOU) I have something finally to say. Sit down and put on a mug of coffee or something, popcorn too if you can afford it. But its really bad for you, so you shouldn't, so if you don't have any then its o.k

Dear Jesus, please bless this time of heart sharing in Jesus' name.

I got run over by a car the other day, and now I have no feet! The doctor said I had to amputate them or else gangrene would set in. But I also read somewhere that its always best to start something serious with some stupid lie to lighten things up, so you can just disregard everything I said right there.

Seriously though, I got something really cool to share with you. I don't know if you know this, but I battle a lot with loneliness. Have ever since I was a kid, and sometimes its good, sometimes its bad, but recently it has all been topsy-turvy besides the fact that Topsy-Turvy Day already passed long ago. Anyway, the Lord has kept me through those battles and helped me through the years with them, but they never seemed to just "go away" you know? Sometimes I've tried to fill it with people, or things, but that's only made things worse for me.

But the other day I made a real brake through on it. You see... I just stopped trying!

Now I know your probably thinking, "Ooooooo.k. That sounds nice to hear." But before you start to think that I'm all joyous over nothing, let me explain. You see, before I would always try to fill the void and would only come to Jesus when I needed an extra boost in order to keep fighting. I tried reaching out to others, but that didn't work much for me either. So this time instead of trying to get rid of the feelings I was having, I tried embracing them instead. I thanked Him for the trial I was going through and that it gave me the perfect opportunity to deepen our connection together and it really worked. I feel better now then I've felt in weeks!

Now I'm not saying this to try to make you feel like I've discovered some magic pill that can take all my problems away.(Though that would be pretty cool, and if I do contact me, and I'll ship you a box of them half price.) Things are different for different people, and what works for one might not work for others. I just wanted to tell you about it, because I know that a lot of my friends have been going through these sorts of trials recently and stuff.

And I just thought that might help you out in some way.

Untitled... and for a very good reason

2009-03-04T15:23:00.005-05:00

Baa-baa black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, the whole world full.
But I think the world's had quite enough
Of little black wool sheep.

Oh Zazu do lighten up...sing something with a little bounce in it.

"Its a small world after all--"

No, no! Anything but that!

On Thoughts and...Mreh

2009-02-27T14:37:00.005-05:00

I've come to the startling conclusion that, as a writer, what I read will inevitably begin to effect my temperment. This doesn't happen to me usually. At least not in the "bang flash" style. More sneakily does the poison creep up on me until I find that it's quite too late.

For example, I've been lumbering for a few months now through Crime and Punishment. Now, I usually enjoy Dostoevsky buuuuut this book is...well... insufferably boring. That does not mean its not enjoyable; but its just not fun, really.

And dry.
I could start a fire with it.

Is it coincidence then that my poetry has taken a complete nosedive since November? Or that the muse has completely stopped talking to me?

"I cannot work under these conditions Pierre! Bring me fire. Bring me wood...and oats, lots of them. Damn, damn, damn--I must have electricity!"

I'm almost done with reading it though, I swear. Then I'll begin Keats and Wilde again. If they aren't enough to coax the muse out from her blankets I think I will have to shoot her. But I wrote a little bit of verse today...nothing special, and nothing that I wanna show right now. But at least its a start, I hate myself every time I post up Verse Libre. Because I'm very awful at it... and shouldn't subject the rest of the you to hearing what I have to say.

Have another sacrifice? Yes?

Ka-Blewey

Sumo King

2009-02-20T23:00:00.002-05:00

My God! How long have I fevered, how much have I shivered--all the while thinking that I've been well, and warm.

I feel as if I've just awoken from a long, oppressive dream. How long has it been since I've seen the sunlight, since I've let its warmth caress my cheek: one month, two? And for the most absurd reasons. My brain fever has made it clear... I haven't been myself.

But today I returned to my youth, even if it was just for a little while.

And I think I'm back to normal again.

The Pessimist

2009-02-15T13:34:00.002-05:00

Yep, she's fresh out of the oven. For those of you that are interested in getting a preliminary copy, please write me at beauchamp.andre@yahoo.com.

Please note that I will not send you a copy if you only offline me, or comment on this post asking for a copy. The reason is so that I can make a mailing list for future use in sending my works around on a greater scale.

Also, if you like the book and know of others that would enjoy it as well, please feel free to send it to them. The more the merrier.

Thank you.

Ironic?

2009-02-10T16:03:00.002-05:00

The day that the US government begins to enact its stimulus package plan, the Dow Jones drops 400 points.

Heh

On Missing Her

2009-02-03T09:29:00.002-05:00

Can I help but stave off sleep?
Your smile spans
The centuries,
Your essence is the very breath
My lungs demand to take.

Why deny
Them oxygen?

Palm of His Hand

2009-02-02T14:52:00.005-05:00

In Indian mythology, there is a story about a young Monkey god and Bhudda. The Monkey god stood in front of Bhudda and told him stories about how wise, and how strong, and how fast, and powerful he was. He had surpassed many of the other gods, and had defeated all his enemies. There was no one that could stand before him. Finally, the Monkey god went on to say that he could go to the ends of the universe and beyond. Somewhere further then even Bhudda could go, if there were such a place.

All the time that the Monkey god was talking, Bhudda remained silent until finally he told the Monkey god that there was a place far, far, away that even he could not reach. At the end of the universe there was a mountain that had never been touched before. If the Monkey god could go there and leave his hand-print on the stone at the top of this mountain, then Bhudda said he would acknowledge him as the supreme being.

And so the Monkey god took off, traveling many thousands of years and innumerable miles, until he reached the mountain that Bhudda had told him about. He climbed it, put his hand print at the very top of it, and then returned to where he knew Bhudda would be waiting. When he got there, he laughed and rejoiced that he was now the supreme being. He had gone to a place that no one else could ever go. How could anyone now be better than him?

As the Monkey god reveled and boasted, Bhudda remained silent until, with a sigh, he said "Oh foolish, foolish child... turn around" The Monkey god turned around and, in the distance, saw the hand print that he had put on the mountain peak. Except, it was not on a mountain peak, but the tip of a finger. Perplexed, the Monkey god turned around, and saw Bhudda smiling. "Did you really think you were so powerful?" He asked. "You have not even left the palm of my hand."

I tell you this story because, to me, it is very applicable to a person's life. We, as humans, like to think that we are so strong in ourselves. We tend to think that we are invincible. We think that we do not need God because, if we try hard enough, we can do anything. But when we stop, step back, and think about it, can we really do anything that will stand eternally? No matter how far we go, no matter how fast we fly, no matter how much we think we know about something, we haven't even left our Creator's hand. Therefore, there is nothing to fear about anything, not even the future, because all is known to Him. He holds us, he loves us, and we can therefore be assured that he is with us through ALL things.

Dumas is GAY!

2009-01-26T15:33:00.002-05:00

And so are the Three Musketeers.

"All for one, and one for all"

I wonder, does that include beds, baths, and condoms? Your thoughts...

Sleep... melt my eyes

2009-01-22T19:02:00.003-05:00

I don't want these moments to pass away... my bed's too big... too empty without you in it.

And why is it that you fit so damn perfectly in my life?
And can make me smile like no other ever could?

Don't mind me...I'm just so damn happy...

A Life Metaphor

2009-01-13T14:11:00.002-05:00

If it ain't abstract, I don't know what is. But read it cause Dre said so, and Dre know's what is best...

If I snorkeled correctly
The world would be
A better place;

I would not have to
Explain:

(But perhaps I still would)

The coral growing
On
My face.

1:25

2009-01-06T13:25:00.002-05:00

Mood: Contemplative
Listening to: Desolation Row
Reading: Crime and Punishment
Eating: Cream of Turkey soup

It's homemade, you know, and with little bits of crushed cracker in it. I like it that way. It makes me smile. I made the soup myself.

Aside from thinking about how shameless I am for stealing Mari's formats...or how much I want to see Angelina Jolie naked now... I've been thinking about love these days. More the words "I love you" than anything.
What do those words mean really? Traditionally, their used by Family members quite frequently... I save them for people that I actually do love for some particular reason. If I tell you that I love you, it means your special. I don't say those words to many. I love Turkey soup... but that is another thing.

I become different when I tell someone that I'm "in love" with them though. I don't mean to but I do. Because I'm afraid of loosing them, and for the most ridiculous reasons. Because I try to be right for them...sometimes too hard.

And this is sappy.

And I think I fucked up a bit by trying to prove myself to you.

Yes Affirmative

2008-12-30T16:02:00.001-05:00

These guys rock!!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T14:31:00.004-05:00

That's all I want to say to you really... that and... well... I've missed you. There's this shaky ball of emptiness in my stomach. It won't leave, I've tried to make it so. It did a little when I made up your present all nice and fancy-like. But now that its done, it won't go away. I felt hungry though I've eaten; with every drop of water, I thirst. I've run to the phone all day when it's rung thinking that it was you calling for me.

I know that your happy though, and so I'll smile because I know your smiling. At least I hope you've been. Not everyone knows you like I do, and that makes me feel so damn lucky. Its the best present anyone could ask for.

Merry Christmas Doll

A New Life

2008-12-19T10:03:00.002-05:00

Rejoice with me, my fellows for last night, at 2 A.M. a new life was sprung into the world. She weighs in at some 71,000+ words, a little on the heavy side on the novelette scale, but she's still unedited. She's positively beaming.

Rejoice with me... The Pessimist is finally complete!

One present

2008-12-17T12:41:00.004-05:00

Only eight more days till your birthday, Jesus... I swore to myself that I would not make a Christmas post, but oh well. Here's one of your presents at least.

God Dwells Among the Leaves

I’ve searched for God in canyons deep
And in the howling rain,
I’ve sought his face on mountain steep
And licking, lambent, flame.

I’ve listened to the violent sea
In hopes to hear the voice
Of Him, whom all must bend their knee
Upon His slightest choice.

But yet, the canyon was too bleak
To house a Lord of Light;
The rain, and sea, and mountain peak
Hid Him from my sight.

So, broken, I through fields did walk
Among the yellow wheat;
And studied keenly every stalk
That drooped around my feet.

Then realized I that, though the sky
Roars with wrath of thunder
God whispers to the child nigh,
Sleeping softly under;

So while the wind might whistle loud
As it blows among the trees,
My God lives quiet on the ground
And dwells among the leaves.

And yet again...

2008-12-13T23:28:00.002-05:00

Here's to one special friend of mine. I don't think I could have become such good friends with someone so quickly, but then I met her and she gained my confidence almost instantly. She's smart, funny, intuitive, a great person to talk to, and has some of the prettiest hair I think I've ever seen.

Hope this year is especially fun and satisfying for you, and that you party like a rockstar babe. I'll call you when I can scrounge up the money. Smile, o.k?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Sigh

2008-12-05T11:22:00.002-05:00

Someday....someday...

Curious

2008-11-27T09:30:00.002-05:00

Its ironic when you think about it: it is now politically correct to use B.C.E and C.E when dating historical events instead of B.C and A.D. The reasoning for this is to take secular history from a non Jeudo-Christian outlook so as to bring about an unbiased approach. However, the standard for this system is still before the birth of Christ (Before Christian Era) and after (Christian Era). So technically, its still a very Christian-influenced style of dating with the intent of not being so.

Kinda dumb, in'it?

Jesus of the Scars

2008-11-24T09:54:00.003-05:00

Now I don't usually enjoy war poetry, but in light of circumstances this one seemed fitting:

Jesus of the Scars

If we have never sought, we seek Thee now;
Thine eyes burn through the dark, our only stars;
We must have sight of thorn-pricks on Thy brow;
We must have Thee, O Jesus of the Scars.

The heavens frighten us; they are too calm;
In all the universe we have no place.
Our wounds are hurting us; where is the balm?
Lord Jesus, by Thy Scars we claim Thy grace.

If when the doors are shut, Thou drawest near,
Only reveal those hands, that side of Thine;
We know today what wounds are; have no fear;
Show us Thy Scars; we know the countersign.

The other gods were strong, but Thou wast weak;
They rode, but Thou didst stumble to a throne;
But to our wounds only God’s wounds can speak,
And not a god has wounds, but Thou alone.

Nostalgic it Is

2008-11-21T10:01:00.002-05:00

Traveler

My Mother was baking Stollen
When I set out
Into the world—
With little bits of fruit in it.
(Much like a soggy spring day
It melted in my mouth.)

And so I put on my waterproofs—
The puddle-world outside my door
Seemed to be enticing.

And I learned to love the sundry fog
That came to fix my sleeping place,
And all the bullfrogs mating
In a drunken, sunken, swoon.
And fireflies domed the sky,
Every night I’d glance at them—
They would laugh
And speak to me
Of scandal ‘tween the stars.

For supper there was ham
And warm summer weather.
A little flute that I would play—
Music, music, music!—
Enticed every humpback whale
That traveled
On the sea.

Salt and smoke
From my green-tree pipe
Stung my eyes to tears

And I remembered
When I put
My waterproofs on my feet,

To step out into
The puddle-pond world
That seemed so enticing
On that soggy, spring day.

9:09

2008-11-16T21:09:00.002-05:00

One thing is for certain: the Quantum of Solace is, hands down, the most god-awful film of the whole Bond series. And no, as much as I like the color of Daniel Craigs eyes, not even they could save it. There is nothing in the whole film that resembles the Bond legacy. The girl is only mildly good-looking, there is no evil villain with an insane plan for world domination, no annoying midget or overly ugly giant with metal teeth...no...nothing. The only thing it had like the other ones was the theme music, but even that was funked out.

I'm distraught about the whole thing really.

Anyway, so I went to this book store today without a dime in my pocket; but, you know, those places are great to spend an hour or three reading in. Landed my hands on History of the Ancient World and a few good Marvel comics. (score!) The music in that place was pretty decent too 40's jazz and swing... Anyway, so I'm sitting down in my little corner and there's this nasty, annoying little young adult couple cuddling about 5 paces off. You know, the type that are newly in love and want the whole world to know about it as they giggle, and slurp one frosty with two straws, and find it amuzing to go back and forth with "Your crazy..no your crazy...he he he" and their acts of "Oh-look-at-me-I'm-sucking-my-partners-teeth-from-their-jaw-but-I-don't-care-if-the-whole-world-watches-me." Bloody romantics...bah!

Anyway, I'm sure that I would not have minded had I not been trying to concentrate. Spider man kicking the snot outta the Green Goblin is a very solemn occasion.

Which reminds me, Lesner won his fight last night.

I'm so pleased!

Alone

2008-11-13T21:20:00.006-05:00

For you baby...

They stretch across this earth-ball:
Roads without number or name,
But all are alike:
Their goal is all the same.

You can ride, you can travel,
With a friend of your own;
The final step
You must walk alone.

No wisdom is better
Than this, when known;
That every hard thing
Is done alone.
--Hermann Hesse

A Special Day Indeed

2008-11-06T00:10:00.001-05:00

I can remember the first day that I met you. I had just gotten a new girlfriend and you-quite protective of her-chatted me up to find out what I was all about. I laugh now as I remember it. We were so young then. Who would have guessed that such a trivial, haphazard meeting would have led into a friendship that has been as wonderful as its been unique? I guess one should never close themselves off to anyone. In every person there lays enormous possibility.

You've always been a good friend to me, and I'm grateful for it, even though I've never just come out straight and said it. You have been the best in so many ways: putting up with my incorrigible moods, always reading the dribble I write, laughing at my stupid jokes, and somehow-even when I don't want to-you can always bring a smile to my face.

But hell, now its your turn to smile. You dun' turned old on me, doll... but its o.k... I forgive you for it...heheh

Happy Birthday darling! I hope and pray this next year is everything that you can possibly dream for it to be. Keep on smiling...o.k? xx

Oh, I know I really shouldn't

2008-11-04T16:42:00.000-05:00

.....but.... fine.... I just couldn't resist...

A tincture of tears washes
The cabbage-green skies:
Beneath the dripping tree with tender shoots,
Your waterproofs

Whitened by peculiar moons
With round staring eyes,
Knock your kneecaps together,
My ugly ones!

We loved each other in those days,
Blue ugly one!
We used to eat boiled eggs
And chickweed!

One evening you anointed me poet,
Blond ugly one:
Come down here, let me smack you
Across my knees;

I have puked up your brillantine,
Black ugly one;
You would stop the sound of my mandolin
Before it was out of my head.

Ugh! My dried spittle,
Red-headed ugly one,
Still infects the wrinckles
Of your round breast!

O my little Mistresses,
How I hate you!
Plaster with painful blisters
Your ugly bosoms!

Trample upon my little pots
Of feelings;
Now then jump! Be ballerinas for me
Just for a moment!

Your shoulder-blades are out of joint,
O my loves!
With a star on your hobbling backs
Turn in your turns!

And yet after all, it's for these shoulders of mutton
That I've made rhymes!
I'd like to break your hips
For having loved!

Insipid heap of fallen stars,
Pile up in the corners!
- You'll be extinguished in God, saddled
With ignoble cares!

Whitened by peculiar moons,
With round staring eyes,
Knock your kneecaps together,
My ugly ones!

Screw Boston ya'll

2008-10-28T14:38:00.000-04:00

Gotta love Canada in the fall...

Down the water spout

2008-10-15T21:37:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but I rejoice every time I see the market numbers plunging. 733 points today... pretty sweet, no? Forget how it affects the cost of stuff, soon it'll be the Endtime ya'll and that's an exciting thing!

Oh, and P.S... Home-made fish n' chips are pretty much the vision right now.

(To someone special)
Jesus loves you; even if your sad, confused, or lonely. Smile, if even only for me, darling. It'll be o.k.

Quality Word Time

2008-10-14T13:06:00.000-04:00

Something I found on Mama's blog (if you haven't checked it out yet, you should!) Anyway, here it is... its an interesting perspective on a very valid question.

Sometimes in your Word time you can sort of slide for a while, you’re not really getting quality feeding, but it doesn’t seem to make much difference. You might not notice it at first. You slide for a while, and then a while more, and nothing seems to happen and everything seems to go okay.

And you know why that is? It’s because the Enemy is allowing you to get to the point where you’re very weakened, so then he can come in and he can bash you and smack you around, and then you’re going to feel it.

He doesn’t want to do it too early while you still have some strength and resistance. He’s very smart; he doesn’t do anything for a while and he makes you think that it’s not a big deal, it’s going to be okay, it’s not so bad to miss your quality Word time, because you’re not seeing any adverse results. And then when you get to the point where you’re very weakened, he comes in with certain situations or circumstances and really hits you, and it can nearly be the end of you.

That’s something to realize, that you’d better not go too long without quality Word time, even if it doesn’t seem to be affecting you much. The Lord has a lot of mercy and He gives us leeway and a period of grace; He realizes we’re not perfect and won’t hit our quality Word time requirements 100% of the time. But quality Word time is a daily priority that is worth fighting for, because it’s what keeps us strong in spirit.

Amen?

These are a few

2008-10-07T21:54:00.000-04:00

Of my favorite things...

A good, firm shot of vodka
Reading Rimbaud, or Dostoevsky by the fireplace
Writing in violent emotion
Watching Star-trek with my family
Playing soccer or hockey goalie
Cooking (when one has the right ingredients)
Good company
Wandering through the forests alone
Intelligent debate with Mikey and Danny
History
A solid game of chess
Arabic food
Sleeping with another person
Late autumn beauty

And I'll have you know, I hate doorbells, and sleigh-bells, and schnitzel with noodles.

Home

2008-09-29T20:47:00.000-04:00

I miss the people; the thick, drawling slang and the cowboy hats. I miss being able to sit next to a complete stranger and, within five minutes, have them talk to me like I'm their best friend. Lubbock college girls are some of the hottest I've ever seen!

I miss the food. First-rate steak houses and grills. Tex-mex and taquira stands that serve food as cheap as the dirt their built on. Faijita's just aren't the same without the salsa and fire-jalapeno sting.

I miss the big blue sky and endless stretches of cactus and mesquite. The random thunderstorms in the middle of the day, a night thats filled with more stars then one can count in a lifetime.

High cliffs, desert, and gorgeous sunsets...endless oil pumps and cattle range...I love this land more than almost any other. Every damn piece of it.

.

I'll travel everywhere ya'll, but Texas is my home.

Amuzing...

2008-09-24T13:53:00.000-04:00

In light of my poetic dryness this month I have come up with this. Do not laugh, though its a joke it means alot to me. Its called: "A Bit of Freeverse When the Poet Realizes that He Has Nothing to Say"

I ate a bit of beef
So very tender,
And wondered why
The yellow dish soap
Was labeled “Red Cherry.”

Fasting....?

2008-09-23T15:02:00.000-04:00

I don't know if you've read the new summary on the MO site called "Megashift"...but basically its about miracles. Now usually, I don't like to read book summaries. I think that their a waste of time and that the actual book would be a whole lot better to read because you get the fuller picture, but I particularly enjoyed this one.

Anyway, something that they pushed a good amount is the discipline of fasting, among other things. Not just fasting from the world, or worldly input, but good ol' fashioned "I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food" sort of thing. To be honest, I really want to have the power of exorcism some day; and in the Bible one of the main was to get it is "through prayer, and much fasting."

All that to say, since reading that summary I've become increasingly interested about the idea of trying it for one free day out of every month, and giving that day only to Jesus, and prayer.

So yeah, wish me luck on it.

In other news: I have a three-inch cut on the bottom of my foot from doing a 25 foot jump onto gravel....barefoot. The moral kids: don't do parkour without proper footware. Looks like my training is out for the week....oh well.

More of an Experiment, Really

2008-09-10T15:27:00.000-04:00

I've wanted to do something like this for awhile, but never really had the inspiration for such an foray. It's a bit long, but basically the idea was to express a complex, mature story through childlike mannerism and language. There's a few parts that I'm not too pleased with...but some of the rhymes-the feminine ones especially-I really do enjoy. Anyway, here it is... do tell what you think of it, yes?

How Like the Birds We Are in Love!

There were two swallows that I watched
Both wing and wing in flight,
And when they reached the stars they notched
A hole there every night;

And every time they slept within
The blanket of the stars,
Venus was their soft cushion
Their storyteller, Mars.

Then, all at once, one Swallow fell
Out from its waiflike perch
And plummeted farther than hell,
To land upon the earth.

Oh weep!—the stars did weep for him,
But why did they not catch?
They cast out ineffectual limb
Too wispy borne to snatch!

And when he landed on the ground
He was too weak to fly,
His beak too bruised to make a sound,
His eyes too wet to cry.

And as he lay there on the sand
The smallest Water Nymph
In all the sea, held out her hand,
Upon which lay a glyph

That held a mantra for this bird
To mend his broken beak,
To heal up every feather burned—
And all in just a week.

Then, when the seven days had passed,
The bird regained its might;
Its wounds had finally healed, at last,
And now he’d take to flight!

But yet, the Water Nymph, she cried
For she had grown so fond
Of the bird, they say she died
Alone, in some rank pond;

Others contest she found a shelf
Somewhere along the coast
From which she haunts, all by herself,
More frightening than a ghost.

The bird, however, gave no thought
Unto the water sprite.
He soared on high, and higher sought—
Surpassing every kite.

Until, at last, he chanced upon
The nest from which he came
Snug in the sky, some ways along—
At once his laughter rang.

For he returned, at last—returned
Were both his love and home!
And, all at once, a passion burned
To never, ever, roam;

But when he came upon the nest
His throat groaned out a gasp,
For, facing out the dying west,
There stood a little glass

That held his portrait firm within,
And under scribbled words:
“Shun all emotion as a sin
Oh foolish, little birds.”

The Swallow wept, he understood
The nest was made his tomb,
A feverish shudder as he stood
Caused him a violent swoon.

And fall again, sad little beast
Did hasten to the ground;
No stars did offer help, at best
There was not one around.

Yet fluttered he before his fall
To make his landing light
And, coming down, he made a call
Unto his Water Sprite.
But none did come—oh none did come!
And bird-like bitterness
Added up, until the sum
Choked out his tenderness.

He fluttered sadly to the sea;
A cliff so desolate
He found, and cried, “What gods there be
“My heart so delicate

“Has torn asunder, like a leaf
I fear I’ve lost myself!”
And with those words he made a leap
And fell to drown himself.

And still he lies along the coast,
Haunting some bewildered ghost.

Alegria

2008-09-01T20:09:00.000-04:00

Le Cirque is back in town!! They'll be playing at the Air Canada Center downtown till November, I believe and I'm super jazzed about it. I really wanna go, cause since I've been a little boy I have been solidly in love with Cirque du Soleil. I want to provision tickets because their expensive. (Lets hope it works, yes?)

Until then, this will have to do... I like the singers voice. Its sexy.

Jaded

2008-08-30T09:21:00.000-04:00

Its a funny thing isn't it: how a song can capture exactly what your feeling in the right proportions? Except this time I don't think its Steven Tyler's fault...its mine. I've lived far too well, far too quickly.

Sometimes I wish that I could enjoy life as I used to when I was a child; enjoyment came to me so easily. There was row of tall bushes in my backyard that I built a tunnel through. Swinging from branch to branch I would find my favorite spot and sit for hours to stare at the sunset. I would think of nothing: snippets of Disney songs would pour through my head. I would be happy.

Sentiment especially has wearied me beyond measure. As a youth I was volatile and always in love. Now I have turned to be Byronic, at best. I have tried to love since last December and all attempts have withered as the autumn leaves. I have brooded, I have sucked my rivers dry of feeling until what I contain is mud. Thick, velvety, marsh-mud; the type that looks pretty at first and stinks once you draw too near.

My nerves have quaked within me for want of longing. My stomach churns... my lungs collapse...my liver screams to be set on fire again. I wish to climb a mountain and roll off from it singing. Anything to be broken free from the gelatin stasis that I've placed myself in.

And all at once I want to fall back to sleep. It is morning now, but I do not wish it to be. I'm tired of the sun, and of the trees. I'm tired of the dew, and of the fresh morning air, and of waking. Wake the world if you must, oh Sun!--but please, do not wake me. These months I've been too tired, and much too dry.

I'll shut my eyes. I'm far too sleepy.

Giving

2008-08-24T01:05:00.000-04:00

Its not how much you give that matters, its how much it has cost you.-Jesus

Prayer Request

2008-08-18T11:17:00.000-04:00

For those of you that know me well, you'd know that I don't personally ask for prayer usually. Its not that I mind it, I'm just usually too proud to ask for prayer for things. But I'm asking for it now...or confessing now... I'm not sure which. I was never too great at doing these sorts of things.

Basically, I just want to say that I'm truly sorry if over the past month/month-and-a-half I've hurt you in any way. I'll be the first to admit, I've been a first-rate asshole to alot of people, including the Lord, and for that I apologize. There hasn't been any real reason for it, its just been my pride and when I don't spend much time with Him it becomes really apparent, real quickly.

So please, if I can ask it, please pray for me. Not that I can find another home to move to, not that I'll have a good day, but that the Lord will break me and change me radically. I know I need it... my attitude has really sucked, and I know that I cannot do it by myself...I'm too weak when it comes to these sorts of things.

Well, I guess that's it. Thanks for putting up with me, guys. I appreciate it greatly.

Editors

2008-08-16T20:30:00.000-04:00

For certain reasons (I.E the Lord telling me) this rant/post has been "edited"...hehe

However, you can still rejoice with me! Canada's won its first three medals in the Olympic games!

Time For Some Campaigning

2008-08-04T20:12:00.001-04:00

Spoof on Bob Dylan's "The Times They are A'changing"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.................(again)

2008-08-01T20:26:00.000-04:00

A year... that's a long time when you really think about it. There's so much that you can do in that single amount of time. You could read a book, (or several, if your clever) trudge all fifty states, absorb poetic thought, share a dinner followed by stargazing for two... most of this last year though has been spent in missing you.

Its a funny thing, you know, missing someone like you. You get this feeling all in your gut like your hungry and tired and burst out into the biggest grin whenever you recall some simple, childish memory. I guess that's why I can't explain all the smiles I've had this year. I don't think anyone would understand if I told them its just because I'm missing you.

But hey, that's part of life--and if there's one thing that I'll remember about you is how you taught me to smile on in spite of anything. I still mess up at it from time to time, but someday I'll be as good at it as you.

I hope your smiling today. If I was king then I'd make today a national holiday. I'm so happy for all that you've done this past year and all that you'll do for the Lord this year coming. He's real proud of you darling, you know? I know he is! Your all that he's talked about for days and days.

Well, I hope this hasn't been too mushy, but I hope you party like a rockstar today. Hell, you deserve it, its our 19th BIRTHDAY!!!!

Happy birthday Kiesha, I love you! So smile o.k?

Another One

2008-07-27T22:40:00.000-04:00

There's something about this piece that I don't like... I'm not certain really, but I do know that I like the last stanza and the fourth and fifth lines on the second. Just a little scribbling to get the creative juices back and flowing.

Sleepwalker

By moonlight in the rainy night
Slick contours of shivering black
Wrapped their shadow fingers round
My frozen, iron toes; stumbling
Along empty, eerie, passageways.

Oh my stomach!—stick with me now;
Do not desert me as my mind!
The coward, the coward! Run he has
Along the way to hunt down dreams
That trapeze off the precipice.

I dance, I dance!—sleepy Rumba
Music drapes the lining of my bed
With its gossamer, milky flames;
I hear loud tapping—is it drums,
Is it the knocking of my knees?

As I drift down the swirling barge
Upon the river of my sleep;
I do not know, yet stay yourself
And watch as I dissect tigers
For the ancient Indus Queen.

Dear Mr. Antagonist

2008-07-21T23:14:00.000-04:00

Recently I came across an letter/what-have-you written by an ex-member about the Offensive. Seems that x's have it in their heads that the Offensive is going to be a grand money-gathering scheme by the upper level of WS which will then climax in a worldwide mass suicide of all family members. WS will then go off to live in grand mansions in someplace exotic and live happily ever after.

Honestly now, dear Mr, Antagonist, how stupid do you think we are? Do you really think that anyone in their right minds would go along with that sort of thing? To be honest, you disgust me with your blatant stupidity! You go on sites called "Moving On" and continually whine about your life in The Family. Think about it, if you ever wanted to "move on" from something isn't trying not to think about it the first step to doing so? Aren't your whiny drivels a little counterproductive?

Don't get me wrong, I have many friends/family that have left the Family and I still keep in good contact with them. I still love them and I respect their decisions. What bothers me though is when some people leave and come up with grandiose stories about how they had to eat rat brains the size of locomotives in the combo homes, or say that I am brainwashed and throwing my life away because I do not believe what they have become "enlightened" to.

So what if I never make alot of money? I got a job that I love and I go to bed each night happy because I know that I did something good for humanity today. When was the last time you did something nice for a complete stranger, for no reason at all except that you loved him? He's a person just like you are. He's got a life, and friends, and worries, and fears too. When was the last time you did something nice for him just because of that: out of respect and love for his humanity? Until you have don't try to tell me that I'm not following the Bible or that I'm not a disciple of Jesus. I really don't care when you say "You'd never make it out in the system" because I don't want to and its o.k because you'd never make it in the Family. So therefore go on and live your life and move on with it. Stop trying to make me think that mine isn't that great because your not the one living it so how can you judge me, really? I'm the bride of Christ, a hardcore disciple of the Teaching. So fuck the system and fuck the world and all its ways. I got my Jesus and that is all that I really need to be happy.

Feminine or Masculine?

2008-07-12T19:39:00.001-04:00

To be honest, I've always preferred feminine rhymes over masculine. Their so much more delightful to chew on, and plus I've always liked to use them as a good pivot for turn-of-phrase. They do take some time to get the hang of though... whats miserable if you have quatrain after quatrain of them with no end in sight. It might be good if your doing heavy-handed metaphysical conceits. But otherwise I think they should be used very sparingly. Like salt in cooking... less is more for most dishes if used properly.

Something I do like doing though is making a two-syllable feminine on the first or third line and making the following rhyme in the sequence a two-word, monosyllable, masculine. (Provided its ABAB our following.)

Just a rough example, but something like this:

Jesus, (first or second line)
Please us. (third or fourth line)

Granted, I would never use those in an actual verse, but you get what I'm saying, no? Also, something thats fun is using the above example as an internal rhyme. But that only works if you use one or two monosyllables directly between the first and second rhyme in sequence. I.E: Jesus, you please us. If not you only have the rhyme strung too close on itself and its more of a liability to the overall quality of the sound than anything. The same goes for alliteration... but that could be a whole 'nother post in itself.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on it?

A Thought to Consider

2008-07-09T21:13:00.000-04:00

"It’s the freedom of spirit, the difference in spirit that makes heads turn. People won’t necessarily remember you for the clothes that you wear, the hairstyle that you have, or the jewelry or trinkets you sport, but they’ll always remember your spirit. They’ll always remember the love you gave, the freedom you possessed, the cool treasures of the spirit that were a living part of you. Those are the things that count. Those are the things that make a difference. Those are the things that make you stand out in the crowd."

Amen?

HAPPY CANADA DAY

2008-07-01T20:30:00.000-04:00

Well... what of it?? I'm Canadian so there!! *sticks tongue out*

I was going to go and see the fireworks but I stayed back so another one of the teens could go. I love the fireworks that they have though... their one of my most favorite things.

I was going to put up pictures of the fireworks, but they wouldn't upload... so lets just watch this video and it be enough, yes?? Ignore the pictures.... just listen to the thing...

I Dream of Athens

2008-06-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

Do not ask, "What is the meaning of it?" I assure you, it has none. More literature has been mauled by "meaning" than by any other thing. I am fully convinced that art need no real moral in order to exude beauty. That is the chief principle of the thing: the beauty of it. Without it, art ceases to exist. So just listen to the words...let them roll off your tongue. It will be enjoyable, trust me.

I Dream of Athens

I entered once a Gypsies tent
My mind awhirl with dark intent,
As cyclone swirls of fragrant smoke
Twirled round us both to make us choke,
And lack of candles mirrored my
Ardent crave for secret scry;
And as I touched the beads around
That’s clung to both the walls and ground
I fancied that this mystic room
Were so astoundingly a tomb.

“I dream of Greece, dear traveler,
I crave—most crave—desire her,
The idle shepherd by the dell
Watches the maid nearby the well
Whom, blushing from the summer heat
Then sees the boy among his sheep,
And then the shepherd thinks that she
Turns so red because of he.
Emboldened by her secret nooks
He seduces her with looks,
And she’ll relinquish chastity
To vanquish her virginity.

“I dream of Sparta where the men
Are strong in arm and dim in ken,
Where food is ill and even worse
Is their bold, barbaric verse;
Yet men of war are rarely found
Except in Sparta, they abound.
The spear and shield are but the same
As is their arm, their heart, their name;
And in the blood of fallen lie
Their Glorified, at last, to die.

“I dream of Thebes and all Theban:
Where every god is god and man,
Where springs the life of every myth;
The favorite of the gods; their pith
Is sole to save those ancient walls
And vaunted knowledge of their halls,
Where turncoat is as easy found
In battlefield, as underground.

“I dream of Corinth where the sails
Billow amongst the clouds, and wails
Of seagull high whom, by default,
Do glide their way through sprays of salt.
And slaves do line up on the decks
Of merchant ships, around their necks
Are plaques to tell where each called home:
From Egypt, Persia, even Rome.
Then, in the night, the wine does flow
With fragrances of mountain snow,
And spices wrought from Hades hand
Invades the nose of every man,
And burns the brain of every sense
With thick carpets of incense.

“Yet, more than these, I dream bejeweled
Of She above whom none have ruled;
Rich, marble tassels drape her breast
While sweet and silent is her rest,
Her sons of strong and brazen limb
Could overthrow the gods at whim.
Yet do they not—alas!—their care
Is Aphrodite’s golden hair,
Is for Athena, every boy
Is soon become her lovers toy.
The clarity of Pericles
Could place the Scythian at ease,
And every word of wise Plato
Does cause a citizen to grow
Aware of life, aware of self,
Aware of one’s internal wealth’
While, with pride they gaze upon
The vast, enduring, Parthenon.”

At last, complete, the Gypsy rose
And tearing his own tattered clothes
Beat his breast with rendering wail
That made his sullen check seem pale,
And reaching for his kerchief rag
Wiped his nose until it sagged.
“Here ye lad” he said, at last,
“Alas, alack, those times be past
Although in dreams all men be same:
Orphans recall their mother’s name
And I have seen my strength go weak,
And I fancied too I were a Greek!”

Let Us See Now...

2008-06-15T20:00:00.000-04:00

I realize that I've been a bit neglectful of updates and for that I'm sorry. I've had my fair share of business this month but lets just see what we've been up to, yes?

The RD's wrote me back and said I have permission to turn FD. *Score!!* I'm quite excited, really, but don't know where I want to go to. I like it here in Canada though, but wherever the lord leads, I guess. Brazil could be an option too. Keep it in your prayers, yes?

Been fermenting more details for my novelette... basically that means that I haven't found it in myself to work on it much. Heh... However, I've found the impetus the muse has required (a shrubbery!) and I'm going to work on it again tonight. Been reading too... some Sherlock Holmes, some Oscar Wilde. And the more I read from each the more I'm convinced that Holmes is a Gemini and I secretly, shamefully, am in love with Greece.

Been getting better and better wordtimes recently too. I'll tell you one thing for sure, Jesus is quite the guy and is really all that one will ever need. The Quality Wordtime series is really awesome... if you haven't had a chance to read it do so... now! It will change your life.

I have a smile on my face, two of the three teams I have money on for the Euro cup are doing well. I never thought the Dutch would pull it off but 3-0 against Italy and 4-1 against France makes me very happy. Germany's doing o.k... a lil shaky against the Corats, but we'll do better in the quarter-finals yeah?

Gotta go but smile! Its does wonders for your complexion these days.

Post Script

2008-06-07T21:56:00.000-04:00

A little piece of the novelette I'm working on that, for the past hour, I've had the urge to post. Its part of the philosophical argument between Alexander and Satan, and my final analysis on Philosophy. The first speaker is Satan, disguised as a gardener, the second is the protagonist, Alexander Whittenburg.

“I have done what we have agreed; I have revealed to you the truth. Truth is God, govn’r, the only way which mortals can be made to comprehend Him. If not, then one cannot be convinced of His existence. It is impossible.”

“Ah, what useless jabber then is all philosophy and argument. One shall claim they have found the truth; another will come and challenge him. They both shall disprove the other and a third will then pick up the remains. Not one of them though will ever define the truth of life, or living. Yes, what a marvelous mockery of science it is: the grandest pedestal of ordure.”

“I agree, my man, I agree. And yet, what fools mortals are for tasting it so willingly.”

“Yes, fools, grand fools indeed.”

“Even those that use it?”

“Even those that use it.”

“Even those that condemn it?”

“Especially those that do!” I smiled, slyly.

“Correct you are then, what a charming tête-à-tête, one could use your wit in hell. But now to more pressing matters; the night wanes on, govn’r, and I must make haste to the America’s soon. Come now, sign this document for I have shown you the truth and you soul is forfeit to me.”

The discourse does not end there though, but if you want to read the whole thing, well then, consider this a taster or something of the sort. It should be out soon enough. Cheers.

Intelligence?

2008-06-07T19:30:00.000-04:00

A lot of people have been asking me recently just what it is that I find attractive in a girl. Perhaps its because they think I'm picky, or that my tastes are fickle. I'll swear up and down I'll never be attracted to a certain quality or look and then--lo and behold--my next Venus will be the bane of my vehement resolution. To be honest, I do not believe myself to be picky. Skin color, eye color or all of those accessories do not make much of a difference to me...except for noses, I have a thing for girls with a pretty face. However, there is one quality that I do look for in the opposite sex, whether I'm attracted to them or not. Something that all my good friends have in common, now that I think about it. Intelligence. Yes... thats it... plain and simple.

Now, I do not mean intelligence by the simple use of the three R's. Anyone with any shard of intellect knows that the stuff is quite beyond that. I'm quite convinced that intelligence leaves its mark upon one; there is no way that you can hide it. Neither is it confined to those whom are better at scholastics. In fact, some of the most intelligent persons I know of failed various school subjects miserably.

Then, what is "intelligence"? It's being able to hold a reasonable conversation about more then just different types of nail polish, or styles of clothing. One must speak of something, even if they are not the best versed in their field. One must learn what they can grasp and learn it well, no matter what their field of study. What of art, music, history, literature, philosophy, politics, metaphysics, science, strategy, or any of the other finer aspects of society? These are things that all civilization is affected by to some degree. To ignore all of these and to limit one's views to mediocrity is akin to mental suicide. However, there is more to intelligence then even these, for intelligence is many different things. One must be unique, be creative in life no matter what they do, be made to learn by living every second of every day, for then one is brought to the knowledge of all things.

What bothers me the most however--and what I believe hinders intelligence more than anything else--is for one to try too hard to have it. Intelligence "is", and cannot "be" and to try to show off to someone by thinking Poe or Shakespeare are the pinnacle of literature, or Van Gogh of art, is more of a joke than anything really. I honestly believe that everyone has it within them to be intelligent. It is a common gift to mankind. However, few oh so few are willing to make the effort to reach out and claim it as their own, especially in this modern day and age.

I've just eaten a most marvelous bowl of cabbage soup made my my mother today. With lamb, and rye seeds, and little shreds of cheese in it. Befitting way to end a tiring day. She's German, so she knows how to make it properly, so deal with it.

Adieu, mon ami--mon dieu!--Je suis défait!

And Again

2008-06-03T11:29:00.000-04:00

Its today....

Yey..

Subliminal Messaging

2008-05-27T09:50:00.000-04:00

First off... this is my 150th post... yey!

Secondly, I read "My Fathers Hands" by Worthington the other day. Nice little story really, English no doubt, but their short prose is not nearly as tedious as their novels. Anyway, its a little boy telling about his father's hands. Working hands they were, whom always took care of his child etc. etc. etc. All that to say, in the end the Father dies trying to open a bottle of medication, he worked hard all of his life but didn't know the bottle was child proof because he never learned to read. Now, before you start going, "Aw so sad" let me explain the psychology. Its not about the boy's father, but is a subtle motto of the intellectual:

Death to the illiterate!

Oh... and have a nice day.

Mr. President

2008-05-16T11:14:00.000-04:00

For a rather entertaining piece of commentary on the Bush legacy check THIS out. Its a tad long, but worth it really.

About Verse

2008-05-11T11:18:00.000-04:00

I've begun writing poetry again, though in small batches, not at all what I was used to doing around this time last year. By that time I had just put the last touches on my first surrealist piece, and had taken up a fascination for writing about the sea. Mainly due to reading Moby Dick... but it could have been that I missed the North Atlantic, the chilly spray that stings ones lungs whenever they breathe it in. That managed to eek out a few good pieces and a handful of half-finished ones that I intend to go back and finish someday, perhaps even make into a series.

Since the beginning of the year though I've begun a new set: poem on writers and writing--something which I'm quite pleased with and that I see good potential for. I have the first...uhh... 4 or so completed so far, (one Verse Libre, the others my darling quatrains) and two or three still fermenting in my notebook while I stumble through my novelette. I've always talked alot about creative writing, always had a passion for the subject, and writing about things that only writers feel, only writers sense, is...well... thrilling. I don't know how many I'll be able to come up with on the subject, but I've got a decent amount already and still feel that I could do a few more, so I'll post up one and show the others when I've exhausted my resources sufficiently, yes?

The Writers Assessment

At night I’ve measured syllables
So I could fall asleep,
I noticed they were doable
And counted all my feet.

I’ve searched out sights within my head
And strained them on a sieve,
So when my rhyme is long and dead
My imagery reprieve.

I’ve swam with ink, I’ve lain out chalk
Around my blackened bones;
I’ve metered out my every walk
With smack of bitter scones.

My pen's been quelled, my brain's been shot,
My verse been worse than trite,
And Hades’ been quite through a lot
To read what I could write.

I’ve stammered in my mark and theme,
But solid's been my beat;
A decent work found once a ream
So erroneously sweet.

I’ve writ of virtue, beauty too
Has always been my muse;
But long since past has dawn anew
Been broken where I choose.

Yet still, in this could beauty be?
Of course!—for it was penned by me.

Oh, and P.S: Happy Mothers Day!

Honest RnB

2008-05-06T11:03:00.000-04:00

Honestly, the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Big Prayer Request!

2008-05-01T12:46:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, can you pray for my brother-in-law Joey? He lives in Ohio and got jumped while on his way to see some friends. He's now in the hospital with a cracked jaw, broken nose, cracked skull, and pockets of air in his brain. (The doctors said that this can cause a coma.) Please pray that he'll recover fully, and that the Lord will use this to bring about some good. Also, pray for his family that they'll be able to come through this all o.k.

Love ya man, hoping that you get better!

An Update or Three

2008-04-26T00:27:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting here waiting for a flick to finish buffering and I realized that I haven't updated in a good while. For those of you whom read this blog, my apologies; I have been--as I'm ascertained you are--dreadfully busy.

Its been yard-work, cooking, and dishes for me... primarily.

I've also begun to shift my reading habits. Especially my stance on philosophy, as I've been horribly depressed with some of my recent reads. It is, in my humble opinion, garbage for the most of it. Even in my earlier teenage years when I read more rhetoric then prose I could never stomach too much of it. Aesthetics, the Surreal, and Phonetics have always been my preferred topics and, since finishing The Master and Margarita and picking up The Picture of Dorian Grey, its been reinforced throughly. Its spilled over into my writing a little with my novella and I'm contemplating some more surrealism... maybe a thesis on Aesthetics vs. Traditional Philosophy (but that's still just a maybe.)

Anyway, hope you all have a good weekend and I'll have something more to write later on. Cheerio

Note on Philosophy

2008-04-18T23:14:00.000-04:00

Well, this about sums it up now, don't it?